Thinking what we do
I am glad to have read the experiences shown in this book. I find very interesting to see how other graduate students are going through the same type of issues I am facing, as I usually share with my peers. It is good to know that despite the weaknesses that we may find in the graduate teaching preparation process, there are some people who care about improvement. By reading this book and reflecting on each classroom episode it depicts, it is gratifying to see that someone thought of us, the current and future GAs.
When I first started my journey as a TA at Ball State, I was aware of my responsibilities as a graduate student. Sometimes, I played in my mind with the idea of teaching at the college level. How would it be? How would I plan my own lessons? How could I become the teacher I had always wanted to have as a student? These are just some of the questions that surrounded my mind as the days passed and the big challenge of being a teacher got closer. Today, I started week 6, so I’m already part of that group, the group of instructors that are addressed by familiar, but sometimes uncomfortable labels such as “Teacher”, “Professor”, “Dr.” or simply “Cristian”. So far, I have had a good experience as a teacher at Ball State. However, I have also had some moments in which I ask myself if this is what I should be doing since I feel that I am not good enough to handle such a big responsibility.
I even said that I would not complain anymore about things that happen in my classes and I don’t know how to approach. It is actually very hard when I have difficulties in my classes and I try to recall if there are any useful readings we have had in previous or current pedagogy-based classes at Ball State, but I don’t find them. It is frustrating to have to face those issues sometimes on your own and try to provide a solution. This makes me think of how prepared I was to assume this challenge or if I was actually prepared to do it. Nevertheless, from what we have read in 605 and the experienced shred by colleagues, being comfortable and confident with your class as an instructor seems to be a matter of time. I hope that time comes quickly.
In the last chapter of this book, Arendt expresses: “it is nothing more than to think what we are doing” (p.106) This could be interpreted as if we were not reflecting on our role as instructors. It also sounds like the writing program was not thinking of the issues behind having graduate students teach FYC classes. However, we may not have the best training or conditions as TAs, but we have supportive mentors and directors that have been crucial in many of our decisions as new teachers. We had some time to observe and learn from our mentors. We also had the opportunity to create our syllabi based on our own values before being “thrown into the jungle”.
These are just some of the advantages I think we have compared to the graduate students described in the book. Then, to me, this means that people in the writing center are thinking about what they are doing, even if there are still aspects to enhance. That being said, I am glad to have this great opportunity to teach at Ball State and learn through it. I understand that becoming the type of teachers we want to be might take some time, then, let’s try to enjoy the journey until we get there. Let’s keep learning from one another and let’s find our own ways to do things and solve problems by supporting each other. That is what will eventually make the difference in our teaching and also in our students.
Thanks for your thoughtful post, Christian. I agree that it is difficult to teach effectively when it feels like we are on shaky ground balancing this life as students and new teachers. It is sometimes helpful to hear the struggles others in the field had when they were starting, like in our text for the class. But, like you, I go back and forth between constructive criticism and venting. While both can be helpful at times, I try not to fall into a negative black hole. It is very easy to feel as if we are not prepared enough for the role we've been given and impostor syndrome is all too real, but I think you make a good point that developing the skill of teaching takes time, patience and constant questioning. It is good to know we are all in it together.
ReplyDeleteCristian,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your thoughtful post. I think it has been difficult for all of us to feel as though we are finding our way through the jungle, but I am glad that we have slowly found a sense of community and support. Much like yourself, I too go back and forth between constructive criticism and venting on the days when things feels heavy. This is a hard line for us to walk, as it can really be cathartic in some moments, but can also pull us into a cloud of negativity in others.
While we may have been more prepared than others, we are here now and still working to figure things out. As we continue to develop as educators, I am glad we are all starting to find our footing, slowly but surely.
Abbie
Cristian,
ReplyDeleteI also thought Arendt's comment "it is nothing more than to think what we are doing” (106) was really important! All we can ask of ourselves and all that we can ask of our students is to approach the course with intentionality, to always have a reason, a why, and to reflect on successes and failures. A good rhythm does happen with time and practice, so never giving up that effort of constant self-assessment is essential to improvement.
Best,
McKenzie
Cristian,
ReplyDeleteI agree that we have some great advantages over the students presented to us in the book. I am very thankful to the Ball State program that gives us a semester to learn from mentors before putting us in our own classes. I still felts really scared and unprepared for my 2 classes this semester, but I at least knew that I had people I could turn to if I had questions, and I had my mentor if I needed help. In this way, I think BSU has succeeded.
There are also challenges we face that are very similar to those presented in the book. I feel like, to an extent, we were "left to the wolves" a bit. Day to day planning and teaching in class is scary, and I felt very unprepared in that sense. Finding class activities and material to give students was (and is) hard. Learning theory last semester was helpful, but not exactly what I needed in prep for this year. I think that sharing resources and helping one another as a cohort can be an effective way to work through a lot of our struggles. We really need to work together and not be afraid to open up.
Kristen
Cristian,
ReplyDeleteI related a lot to the feelings you expressed in this post, particularly feeling like we have to come up with all the solutions alone whenever we face problems in our classroom. At the beginning of the semester, I had this strange mental notion that the mentor program had ended, and since I was responsible for my own class now, all the pressure was on me. I quickly realized that was not the case, and I still consistently drop by my mentor’s office and talk things out with her – whether that’s sharing something really great that happened or asking her how she would approach an issue I’d encountered. I’m sure your mentor from last semester would be more than willing to help you out in any way, too, if he isn’t already.
I think sometimes we also get into a mindset that "supporting each other" only means through the hardships, when it’s also just as important (or more so) to share our joys and successes, too. We have this weird tendency as humans to let one negative thing encompass our whole perspective and attention and forget about all the good experiences, which often outweigh the bad. Sometimes it’s also helpful to remember that students aren’t being as critical of us as we are being of ourselves; most of the time they won’t even realize if we “mess up” because they think we know what we’re doing (for some reason).
-Jessie
Hello Friend,
ReplyDelete“How could I become the teacher I always wanted as a student?” I love that you asked this question. I thought about it a lot too when I was preparing to teach this semester. Yet, I feel like that has been something that I haven’t considered recently or accurately implemented into my own classroom. It’s perfect that you bring this up because I would like to think about that more and more (especially now that I am familiar with what it’s like to teach solo in a classroom).
In a way, teaching itself is very hard. It can be intimidating in a lot of respects, especially when we don’t see the whole picture. I like what Jessie said about how our students aren’t as harsh on us as we are on ourselves. When I think about my time as an undergraduate at Ball State taking first year composition courses, I remember them as great experiences. Both my ENG 103 and 104 sections I took were taught by Graduate Students like ourselves. I in no way felt that they were unprepared or given less than they were capable of doing. All I know is that I enjoyed having a younger instructor who was more willing to try new things and experiment a little to make things work best for me.
Hi, Cristian! Something I've been thinking about recently is that, yes, sometimes I think we were "thrown to the wolves" like Kristen says, but sometimes there are things you learn only by doing. I have a running list now all of the things I'm going to change or implement in my syllabus/course calendar/assignment sheets; it makes me feel as though, no matter how this semester turns out, the next one will be better. In the same way, I think that talking through ideas or concerns is one of the most helpful things about having a cohort. I'm always in one of y'all's offices, because talking about an issue or some idea helps me order my thoughts; equally, I'm always open to being an ear for whoever needs it, the good or the bad.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we could start a post or a google doc or something to share some of the good things that happen to us in our classes?